WOO! VOTE FOR ABE TO THE EXTREME! TIGHT!
by X-stream Abe Lincoln, sponsored by X-Stream Blu Power Snack™

Fellow students, faculty, administration, and janitorial staff: my name is Abraham Lincoln, and I want to be your Student Body President.
BOOYAH! (more)

MY ROCK-HARD ABS ARE REASON ENOUGH TO VOTE FOR ME
by JFK

Hi. My name is JFK and I’m running for Student Body President. For my rebuttal, I would first like to say that I know Jack Kennedy, Jack Kennedy is a friend of mine, and you, sir, are no Jack Kennedy, whereas I am. Biologically speaking, if not neurochemically. (more)

CELEBRITY GUEST STARS 'ROCK' CLONE HIGH!
By Gandhi, A&E Editor

What’s up, party peeps?! I don’t know what it is, but somehow Clone High High School was able to get three kick-ass celebrities to visit campus this week to be panelists at our elections! (more)

STUDENT PROFILE: PRESIDENT DOG
by Cleopatra, Campus Life Editor

Hi again!!! Cleo here with another Student Profile! This week I decided to get into the mind of our new Student Body President, President Dog, who won in a landslide victory over Abe Lincoln and JFK in last week’s elections! And it’s no wonder! This “dog-gone cute” puppy can’t wait to get his “paws” all over the “ruff” issues facing Clone High! (J/K!!!!)

THIS WEEK’S LUNCH MENU
By Catherine the Great, Lunch Editor