A.D.D.: IT’S NOT JUST FOR MALE STEWARDS ANYMORE
A Message from the P.T.A.

Everyone knows that Attention Deficit Disorder comes from African monkeys, but did you know it can effect good, normal American kids? That’s right. Our children can catch A.D.D. from toilet seats. And making out with each other. There was even this guy who was friends with this lady who caught A.D.D. when someone sneezed on her, then made out with a monkey. (more)

THAT AWARENESS FAIR WAS AMAZING, AND BY 'AMAZING,' I MEAN 'LAME'
By JFK

The Tatler asked me to cover this year’s Awareness Fair, which had the theme of “Awareness.” And I am here to report: it was amazing! And by “amazing,” I mean “lame.” (more)

FROM THE PRINCIPAL’S DESK:
I’M HERE FOR YOU, NO MATTER HOW SERIOUSLY F’ED UP YOU ARE
By Principal Cinnamon J. Scudworth

Dear students,
I’m here for you. Just as my magic sweater-vest is here for my torso, but not my arms. (more)

TOP TEN REASONS I STILL DON’T BELIEVE IN GOD
By Joan of Arc

STUDENT PROFILE: MARIE CURIE
By Cleopatra, Campus Life Editor

Hi again! It’s me, Cleo, here to present another Student Profile!!! You know, not all students can be as beautiful or sexy or perfect as me... or as smart, or as blessed, physique-wise-- but that doesn’t mean they aren’t worth profiling! If everyone had to live up to my standards, there would never be any Student Profiles except for ones of me! Which, to remind you, we did two weeks ago! And it’s worth another look, if you haven’t read it in a while!!! Because it’s all about me!!!! (more)