CHHS SPORTS UPDATE: MEN’S BASKETBALL TEAM ‘NETS’ NEW PLAYER
By JFK, Sports Reporter

The Clone High Fightin’ Helixes men’s basketball team will face its toughest challenge to date this weekend as they face off with arch rivals GESH (Genetically Engineered Superhuman High) in the annual Homecoming game. (more)

STUDENT PROFILE: JOHN DARK
by Cleopatra, Campus Life Editor

Hiya! CleeClee here, back with another StuPro!!! This week, we’re profiling Clone High’s newest, sexiest, hottest, coolest, most talented member of the basketball team, John Dark! This mysterious sexpot burst onto the campus scene recently, and has since won the hearts of all ladies with his amazing athletic ability and manly, über-trendy moustache!!! Let’s get to know him, shall we? Yes, we shall! Get to know him!!! J/K! (more)

GANDHI’S ADVICE COLUMN: IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE, SET HIM FREE, UNLESS THERE’S A CHANCE HE MIGHT GO ON A BLOODY KILLING SPREE
By Gandhi, Advice Dude

Oh, ye loyal readers of my advice column of which this is the first installment -- I’ve experienced the greatest love of all, and I’ve witnessed the empty heartache that follows, and I’ve come back from that barren wasteland to tell you this: it was all worth it. Yes. It was all worth it. Yes. It was. (more)

POETRY CORNER
“Ode to My Dead Son Brian”
by Anonymous

CLASSIFIED ADS