FROM THE PRINCIPAL’S DESK: WELCOME BACK, CLONES! I’LL TRY NOT TO KILL YOU AS MUCH THIS YEAR
By Cinnamon J. Scudworth

Welcome, student clones, to another exciting year at Clone High High School!
Mr. Butlertron and I have been working hard all summer to prepare the school for your return. We’ve got lots of neat activities planned for you in the coming months, for as you are aware, this is a completely normal school in every way, and certainly not a covert training ground for an army of clones cleverly disguised as a high school. (more)

STUDENT PROFILE: CLEOPATRA
By Cleopatra, Campus Life Editor

Sassy lady-about-campus? Straight-A student? Student Body President? How about all three??!!! I had the privilege of sitting down with myself for an exclusive one-on-one interview last week, and found out some really interesting stuff! Let’s get to know me/her!!! (more)

WHAT AND WHO I DID ON MY SUMMER VACATION
By JFK, Editorials Editor

First of all, I went to the Cape with the family where I met this betty who I nailed twice on the yacht. That was amazing, but I’m not going to write about her because I never caught her name. You might be asking yourself, how, then, did you brag to your pals later about nailing her? To that, I reply, I simply referred to her as Yacht Betty Who I Nailed Twice. (more)

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
“ONE IS THE CLONELIEST NUMBER”

POETRY CORNER
By Abe Lincoln, Poetry Editor